The Germans are proud of their speedlimitless autobahns. That's why their national flower is a concrete cloverleaf.

Fodder is the man who married Mudder.

Some preachers have the gift of gab. But they don't know how to wrap it up.

A boring person is somebody who keeps on talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

A boss is somebody with the canny ability to be early when you are late and late when you're early.

An investor talked to some old farmer and asked him: "What's the name of your bank?" The countryman replied: "Piggy."

Never lend money: it gives people spells of amnesia.

A lady happened upon a talking frog who told her: "Kiss me. I am really an attorney at law." She picked him up and put him in her bag. Finally somebody asked her: "Won't you kiss him and turn him back?" She answered: "Are you kidding? The country is full of lawyers. But a talking frog will make me a fortune!"

A blond lady in my church told me this blond joke at our annual christmas party, (serious):

Two blonds meet and start chatting. The one tells her friend: "This year Christmas is on a friday." Exclaims the other: "I hope it won't be the thirteenth!"

Once I ministered in an African country in which a civil war raged. It was so bad that when you made a reservation at a restaurant you had to request the "no shooting" section.

Just kidding...

Come to think of it: I would someday like to see a waiter with enough courage to lay the check faceup on the table.

In some countries crime is so bad, when you call the police, there is a two week waiting list.

"Eureka" is an euphemism which means: "You smell bad."

Once I preached and the entire audience was hissing me, except for one man. He applauded the hissing.

A parishioner once confided in me: "My wife has two hobbies. She swims and she knits. It makes the wool a little soggy, but it keeps her happy.

In the US the four main reasons for homemaker's depression is: ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX.

An apology is politeness to late.

Archives is where Noah kept his bees.

The sermon went on and on and on in the oriental heat. Finally the preacher said: "What more, my friends, can I say?" In the back a booming voice offered a loud: "Amen!"

Admiration is our polite recognition of somebody else's resemblance to ourselves.

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